Madonna

I really hate you.

Well, I haven’t blogged anything in the longest time!

Boy, do I have a lot to say today.

First off, let’s just say I hate this place.

Thank God it’s my last year here.

I can’t wait to go to Walnut next year! 

With all my friends <3

Going home will be like, HEAVEN! <333333

I can’t wait till Christmas. 

Gah, I am soooooo over this place.

It’s not even funny.

I miss gunshot noises.

I miss helicopters flying around at night.

But no. I have to live in the safest place ever -_-

I can’t really cry anymore.

& if I do, it doesn’t hurt anymore.

The pain I feel is numb now.

At this point, I really don’t care about what people say.

I don’t care about what you think about me.

Just shut the fuck up & let me be me!

I find it sooooo hard to be myself here.

With people picking on every little thing I do.

I didn’t come here for you.

I didn’t come here to please you.

I came here for me.

To have more experiences. 

Without you.

I don’t need you.

I don’t need friends.

I don’t need anyone here.

Because me coming here, has NOTHING to do with you.

This is for me.

I’m doing me right now.

I’m done trying to live up to your fucking expectations.

& if you don’t like what I’m writing right now,

then stop fucking reading. That simple.

I’m not here to live up to anyone’s expectations.

I’m here for me!

I’m here for myself.

Call me selfish, I don’t give a fuck.

Don’t call me part of the family, because I honestly don’t want to be part of your family.

I’m just living in your house.

That simple.

I never wanted to come here.

I never wanted to leave anyone behind,

But I had to.

People got so fucking annoying,

All the pressure.

You think I’m happy?

Think again.

I’m in fucking hell.

This place hasn’t done shit for me.

I swear, I thought this was for the best.

You say you want me to get straight A’s?

Fuck that.

I’m not here for you.

Thank you for taking me in, but I don’t need you’re expectations being handed to me, like I’m your child.

I’m not.

Get over it.

I wouldn’t wanna be your child.

You act like you can just give me school expectations.

No honey, it doesn’t work that way.

I do what I’m capable of doing.

I do whatever I want.

I hate the stupid bedtime.

I hate the fact that you take my phone away & lock my iPod at night.

That is the stupidest shit I’ve ever seen.

The more you take things away, the more you hurt me. 

& that’s really sad because you can’t even see that.

Today, I found out I can NEVER use my debit card.

Even though the person who told me is just holding it.

I was told that I can use it for whatever I need.

& I will use it for my winter clothes.

I will use MY fucking debit card.

See that? MYYYYYYYYYYY DEBIT CARD!

Holy shit. I don’t want you to buy me winter clothes.

I want to buy my own clothes.

That’s what the whole chase account was for.

For MYYYYYYY clothes.

But, it suck to be you, because I’m leaving next year. & I’m NEVER coming back.

You’re not ready to raise a teenager.

You don’t even have a kid.

So, you’re obviously NOT capable of handling me.

Your rules are dumb as fuck & I am NOT gonna get straight A’s.

How do you like them apples?

I can’t be myself around you.

You pick on every little thing I do.

& you are gonna stop.

& if you don’t, I’m leaving earlier than expected.

Remember, I’m not here to please you.

I’m here for me.

So don’t fucking boss me around & act like I’m your kid.

You hurt me so bad today.

You lost my trust.

I don’t believe in second chances because that’s just me saying I’m waiting for you to fuck up again.

& again. & again. & again.

So, don’t expect that things are gonna be the same.

I will never be happy here.

Just get that through your head.

Don’t shrink me.

Don’t use your stupid theraputic techniques on me.

That’s bullshit.

You think you know about how angry I am inside & how I was when I was little?

YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT.

I think I’m done here.

I have nothing else to say.

I never did anything wrong.

Get the fuck over it.

Goodbye.

I never told you.

If there was something I would want to say to you,

It would be :

I love you. Goodbye.

—————————————————————————————-

He had me heart.

But, one thing I’ve learned is that things happen for a reason when you let them happen.

Erick Mexia, thank you.

for everything.

you are so kind & you helped me through pretty much everything.

I still can’t stand the fact that we didn’t work out.

But I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.

I’m sorry I out you through a lot.

& I’m sorry for ever hurting you.

I wish we actually talked instead of fought.

I miss your beautiful brown eyes.

Your cute smile.

Your jokes & corny pick up lines.

& especially the way you treated me.

I even miss skyping with you while you eat your carrots <3

I still hate carrots by the way.

Well, I’m sorry things didn’t work out.

—————————————————————————

Too bad I’m not going to tell him any of this.

I just miss him a lot.

But, moving will help the feelings I have for him.

I really hope they go away.

I wish things didn’t end the way they did. 

Oh wells. I guess I’m done here.

<3

Sunday August 8, 2010

So, I found out he has a girlfriend now?

After all the sneaking out & that kiss he gave me?

I guess it meant nothing.

Well, I really don’t want to see you before I leave.

You were a waste of time.

Once again, I was used.

I’m sorry, but I don’t like it when my friends brag to me about their boyfriends or girlfriends and stuff. I’m happy that you’re happy, but with me being single and all, it makes me feel even more lonely. <|3

aundreyuhh:

abigailgrace:

(via jemmamay)

i hate doing that, i feel horrible… :[ karma.